Some of you may remember through my testimony last year, but ARISE programme was both a turning point and a new starting point of my faith journey. Among the many gifts and realizations that the Lord gave me through ARISE, what still deeply resonates within me is the understanding that ‘the Lord does everything from beginning to end.’
When ARISE was approaching, I felt burdened and overwhelmed by the task of spreading the gospel. The depression I was experiencing at that time and the unresolved wounds within me seemed like obstacles to evangelism, and I was afraid they would hinder me. The root of this fear was a sense of responsibility, a misconception that ‘if I work hard and dedicate myself, I can fulfil the will of the Lord and make Him happy’. But looking back, I realize how foolish and arrogant those thoughts were.
‘How can I serve God? What can I accomplish for Him?’ In fact, I knew my incompetence and felt powerless. Yet at the same time, I wanted to deny this contradiction within myself. I lived trapped in this fear and shame in my daily life.
But the scene of evangelism is truly unique and special. It seems to be a distinct place where beliefs that are hard to confront in everyday life, those hidden within oneself, inevitably emerge through actions, forcing one to confront oneself. Through ARISE, the Lord gradually brought out and healed many wrong beliefs that had long oppressed and tormented me. When I brought all my fears and pains before the Lord and entrusted them to Him, I encountered a God who held me and comforted me. When I confessed, ‘I cannot do this on my own, it’s beyond my abilities,’ it was then that it seemed like the Lord said to me, ‘Yes, you can’t do it alone. You’ve worked so hard to come this far, and it’s been so difficult and scary, right? Thank you. Now, entrust your efforts to me and believe in me. There are people I want to show you, people I’ve longed to meet. Let’s go meet them together. And the things I’ve prepared will begin to unfold one by one.’ It was only when I acknowledged my inability and surrendered that I could see the work of the Lord. I learned to simply enjoy the unimaginably great love of God, who desires to work through the lives of people who are infinitely lacking, incompetent, and weak, but who still willingly calls and uses them. So now, whenever I encounter things I cannot do in my daily life, I make effort to see what the Lord is doing.
Through every encounter during ARISE, I learned not so much to ‘evangelize’ but rather to share the God I have encountered, to witness the miracle of my inadequacy merging with His perfect grace, and to see His love that continually saves, protects, and sustains me. Each time I witnessed the rebirth of a new soul in Christ, I had the gift of reliving the joy of when I first encountered Jesus.
Evangelism is an act of love for the Lord. And loving the Lord is not doing something bashfully, but simply receiving His already perfect heart.
