Using the new change of marriage as an excuse, I had a small desire to quit being a cell leader. However, it seemed that God wanted me to continue. While contemplating for several months, God spoke to me through a fellow worker and during worship. “Do not be afraid, for I love you. Do not fear, for I am with you.” This made me reflect on God’s love and grace once again before I came to obey. I would like to share what I experienced in the process of deciding to continue as the cell leader with my husband, Seokhyeon.

Before marriage, I was filled with many worries as I faced a new chapter in life. The more worried I became, the more I had no choice but to rely on God. It was a time when I had deeper communion with God than ever before. He made me realize firsthand that the family is a small church and that the community starts from the family. My values regarding family were newly organized, and I prayed only for two things: “God, let our family be one where You are the Lord and where Your love flows.” When I prayed that prayer, I finally felt peace, assurance about marriage, joy, and gratitude.

In the past few months, I have been very busy with the wedding, decorating the house, and going on our honeymoon. Since getting married, the biggest change in my life here is that I now have a family to share my previously lonely life abroad and that I now have a living room instead of just a single room. But it’s remarkable how fickle humans can be. During the times when I was so worried about marriage, I clung to God as if I couldn’t live a moment without Him. But now that my worries have been resolved, my relationship with God has been pushed down the priority list. For example, I could go to Wednesday service, but I preferred to rest on the living room sofa, and I delayed my quiet time reflections to look for interior decorations.

Through last Sunday’s service, God reminded me of the prayer I had offered and turned me back once again. Could there be a greater answer to prayer than the role of a cell leader where a married couple can serve the youth together? Despite being a small act of obedience, I still felt fearful. Because when I am tired and sensitive, my words and actions towards my family still do not seem fitting for a believer in Jesus. Seeing my true self in such moments made me feel distressed and unsure if I could continue to handle the role of a cell leader. God said, “That’s why I will be with you and help you.” This made me hope even more to resemble God’s character.

Although I am still lacking, I trust God’s faithfulness and take another step forward. I believe that the role of a cell leader is ‘not a difficult test but a process of receiving God’s character’*. I hope that our family becomes more united in God, daily resembling His character, and learning and practicing genuine love before God.

* Quoted from “Renew Me CBS – Rebecca Park Episode”