Only those who have been loved can love – if I hadn’t believed in Jesus Christ, I would have never learned how to love others. I lived with my grandmother until I became of age, rather than growing up in a normal family, so I didn’t learn how to build proper relationships. Thanks to God’s love and the brothers I met in Christ, I was able to come this far.
As my father died in a ship crash at sea when I was a new born, I never got to experience what it’s like to have a father, and never had the chance to observe a husband or father in action. Perhaps that is why God had me become the father of five children, and husband to a wife who is very relationship-focused, while being firm about what is right and wrong. However, it must have been very hard for them to endure my shortcomings as a father and husband. While they endured, our merciful God taught me what it’s like to be a son. Although I frequently prayed to the “God of love” and called him “Father God”, I didn’t really know what it’s like to be a son.
Around ten years ago, while I was preparing for a retreat under the theme “Prayer”, God said to me, “you have been my faithful servant, rather than my son up till now. Could you come to me as my son from now on?”. That really touched my heart, and God showed me what it’s like to be his child. Reading through the bible with that perspective helped me realise that most people of the bible lived as God’s children. Rather than blindly obeying God’s word, some actually tried to persuade God, as if he could ever be wrong (e.g. Abraham’s prayer for Sodom and Moses’ prayer for the Israelites after the golden calf incident). Some asked God for mercy, even after committing the most horrendous sin (e.g. David who fasted for a week to pray for his son’s life, after committing adultery with Bathsheba), which helped me understand what it was like to be a son.
Now, God is teaching me how to live like a father like him. Being a father means showing grace towards your son. It’s easy to think that a father’s role is to teach what is right and wrong, but the most important thing for a father is to have grace towards his children, forgive their mistakes and sins, and treat them with the respect they deserve.
Though Moses faced God on a daily basis, he asked God to see His glory – when he does, God shows it to him. In doing so, God introduces himself to Moses as follows, which is worth noting: “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”” (Exodus 34:6). God is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love and faithfulness.
In this world of conditional love, we regularly find ourselves being hurt by the smallest things, blaming each other for mistakes, or talking behind each other’s backs. I hope that I can slowly change myself to be gracious towards others, like our Father God. “Lord, teach me your grace”.
