Among the expressions often used in church, one of them is “to serve.” Does serving mean doing unpleasant or difficult tasks that others avoid? Certainly, that can be part of it. But this week, the meaning of “serving” came to me in a new light. If I were to put it in my own words, serving means “being alongside someone.” And being with someone means “participating in their life.” Even for married couples or parents and children who have shared the same space for years, it’s still possible not to truly share life together.
This week, I was reminded that this is how I’ve been living. I grew up alone until adulthood, so I became someone who’s used to being by myself. Even after getting married and building a family, I focused on my own life within my personal boundaries. I only entered into the lives of my family when they directly requested it—when my wife voiced her frustration, when my youngest son desperately called out “Dad,” or when I had to serve the family by driving or doing the dishes. Most of the time, I simply tried to return to my own space to be alone.
For me, this “alone time” is tied to church ministry or world missions. Because of that, I never saw it as a problem—in fact, I justified it. But no matter how noble that work may be or how pleasing it is to the Lord, if I’ve used it as an excuse to neglect participating in the lives of the people I was supposed to serve, then I’ve lived selfishly.
Even when everyone is at home, everyone has their own schedule. Even in the same space, we live separate lives. If someone disrupts my schedule, I can become irritable. This might be acceptable for teens and adults, but younger children tend to demand our presence in their lives. Much of the stress of parenting comes from not wanting to give up your own life to enter into your child’s. Participating in another person’s life is never easy.
My 8-year-old son, Yeojun, is always asking me to be involved in his life. But everyone in the family has their own things to do and wants more time for themselves, so it’s easy to say, “Just do it by yourself.” I’ve often left Yeojun’s care to my wife, but now I’ve decided to give up a part of my own life to participate in his. When he comes home from school, we do QT (Quiet Time) devotional reading together. We sit side by side, open with a prayer, read the day’s passage three times, go over the explanation, solve the questions on the next page, write a prayer together, and close with a final prayer.
Then we move on to his math homework—two pages a day. They involved division, and there were parts he didn’t understand. He’s often scolded by his mom because it can take him hours to finish even one page, but now I understand why. I worked beside him, doing my own tasks, and helped him when he didn’t know how to solve a problem. After homework, we played whatever game he wanted. Recently, he made a volcano experiment using two plastic bottles and paint, and he wanted to do it with me. I followed his instructions, and he loved it. I also read to him before bed.
At last, I truly understood. To serve is to be present in someone else’s life. I realize I still have much to repent for.
