My last prayer of 2023 was “Please let me know what I need to know in this short life”.
God answered me with his Word from Deuteronomy 7:9 “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God”. John Calvin said, “There is no knowledge of God without knowledge of oneself, and there is no knowledge of self without knowledge of God”. In other words, if you don’t know yourself you will not know God, and if you don’t know God you will not know yourself.
After three years of covid in Korea, the world that I used to see has wonderful shattered me into pieces. When I returned to London, my body and mind were already in ruins, and I was just grateful and happy to be alive as I felt like I had regained life from near death. Even with small gestures from people or when the school children ran up to hug me, every little thing made me happy that it made it cry.
At the same time, I wanted to become stronger so that I would not fall when anyone tries to pull me down. Although I knew protected me, I wanted to do my part and strengthen myself. I felt I needed to learn the way to protect myself since we are all sinners. I believed that by protecting myself, I could protect the people that I loved also. In order to know myself I needed to know more about God.
During this time, I met a friend through the team I serve “Qavah Community”. I felt like God had sent the friend to help me through struggling times. On our first encounter, we talked about recovery and books over coffee which led to us building a book club together. We wanted to create a club that allowed people to dream of recovery through books.
Why should one read books? We only live in this world a short time. Among the things that only living people can do are to record things and learn. Because we are alive, we can learn about what our ancestors have recorded, and I also want to write and leave a record something of my life. Reading not only allows me to learn about myself but it also helps me to embrace others. In Gordon MacDonald’s “Ordering Your Private World”, it says that when checking one’s spiritual growth, one should check their reading habits as reading is also deeply linked to faith.
In 2024, our book club will set themes on a quarterly and monthly basis, reading literature and non-literature alternatively. For a new beginning, the themes for January is organising and cleaning, February will be on labour and economy. While we are currently reading “The Art of Simplicity” by Dominique Loreau together, we also plan to read Tim Keller’s “Faith & Work: Every Good Endeavor”. I hope to build the muscles of my mind through our book club and I hope more people will join us for whatever reason they have.
Towards the second half of last year, I felt God was helping me through every moment through Qavah, our church and book club. My friend often shared God’s work and how she hopes for God’s ways in recovery. My dream used to be only to get through the day but by the end of the year, I also started to build that hope. I hope to get to know God and me more, and I hope to see God’s work through me.
